Drift and Dream Sleep Consultancy LLC - Bear in Mind by Nicola Moy

The 7 S's That Can Help With Separation Anxiety

Wed, 05 Feb 2020 10:39:45 -0600

Being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world; it can be however the most difficult. Every new job that you have ever started always came with some form of training manual or ‘hand over.’ There is no manual on how to be a parent though. There are indeed many books out there with lots of differences of opinion, and in the end we have to do what we think is right for ourselves and our child. What works for one, may not work for another.

There is a variety of information out there for us to read and gain knowledge from, and lots of people to ask for advice, but we can’t do all of it. What we shouldn’t be doing though is comparing ourselves to others and feeling like we may not be doing something right.

As a child sleep consultant, I see many parents comparing their babies who aren’t sleeping well to those who are. There can be a variety of reasons that one baby may sleep better than the other, but be rest assured that your baby can also sleep well; you just have to guide and support them through it. You never do anything wrong, but there are always ways to change things if you feel things need to change.

This blog isn’t directly about sleep issues, but separation anxiety can sometimes appear when changes in sleep habits are being introduced as most of the time this involves asking our children to do something they have never done before; go to sleep by themselves. If you have never experienced separation anxiety with your child, you are very lucky, but it will come at some point, I’m sure. It’s a very challenging and difficult part of a child’s life where they get very upset and worried every time they are not close to the ones they know and love. It can happen at different stages of a child’s life, and it can appear when you least expect it, but what we have to remember is that it is real, and there are ways to make it easier for them.

Separation anxiety is a completely normal and expected behavior, usually evident in children for the first time between 6 and 8 months old. Around this age your child really starts to realize and understand that things continue to exist, even when they’re not in sight. It’s actually a cognitive milestone known as “object permanence” which is defined as, “the understanding that objects continue to exist even when they cannot be observed.” In other words, out of sight no longer means out of mind.

When your baby is going through this new understanding, they also start to understand that they can see someone once and may never see that person again. When they aren’t attached to this person in any way it doesn’t make them upset to leave. However, when mum or dad leave, it can cause babies to experience separation anxiety as, in their little minds, they may not see you again! It’s normal, it’s natural, and it’s a sign that your little one is learning. It also shows they have a secure attachment to their parent, which is something we would never want to break. It does however usually start causing us issues when we do indeed have to leave our children, and as a mum myself, it is upsetting to hear your baby cry because they are worried you aren’t going to come back. This could be something as small as going to the bathroom, leaving your 6 month old on the floor playing with his favorite toy, or it could be something as big as leaving them at daycare or with a babysitter.

Remember, children can experience separation anxiety a few different times whilst they are young; another common one is when they start school. Instead of asking yourself ‘why does this happen?’ let me tell you a few ways how you can help this if it is becoming quite a serious issue.

1. Show Them the Way

Your baby will usually follow your cues and the way you behave, so if you’re quite attached to them, and not allowing yourself to pop out of the room every now and then, your child may feel like they’re not safe if you’re not in the room. What’s the solution? Try and designate a safe and baby proof room where your child can explore without your direct supervision and pop out and put the kettle on and take a trip to the toilet. It’s only a small adjustment, but you will teach your baby that he is OK without you, and it will also help any anxiety you have about leaving your child for a few minutes.

2. Stop Avoiding it

Due to being such an important milestone, your child needs to learn about separation and reunion so please don’t avoid leaving them. Let them know that it’s okay for them to get upset when you leave and reassure them that you’ll always come back. If there are some tears around it, that’s alright, you will most likely have some tears too. It really is an important concept that they need to understand, and we as parents also need to feel OK with someone else taking care of our children as most of us need to go back to work.

3. Start with Someone Familiar and Start Slowly

Children usually do a little better when they are left with someone they’ve already spent some time with; whether that be grandma, or a neighbor; someone they have seen a lot and who they have grown to ‘know.’ Usually we are inundated with friends and family members offering to babysit for us in the beginning so accept with open arms and plan to spend at least an hour away from the house for the first few attempts. After the first few times then you can start to increase the time away from your child you are spending. You will probably find your child starts to create a new bond with that person and start having fun!

4. Stick Around

When who ever is going to be taking care of your child arrives, or you arrive at their home, don’t say goodbye as soon as possible. Stay for a bit, have a laugh and a play together, and your child will see that you trust and like this person which will be of comfort to them.

5. Say Goodbye

If you only take one tip away from reading this blog, please take away this one; always say goodbye! Most of us can say that we have tried to distract our babies and toddlers before in order for us to enable us to sneak out of the door without having to say goodbye. However, this can lead to more issues if your child realizes you have gone without saying goodbye. Even if the goodbye provokes some tears, it’s important for your child to understand that you’re going to leave sometimes, and more importantly, that you’ll be back when you say you will. So please, always say goodbye.

6. Set a Routine

Children love routines, so why not create another routine, just like at bedtime, to help your child recognize the situation and accept it much easier. Maybe you could have a set number of kisses and hugs, tell them a memorable key phrase, and always give them a clear indication of when you’ll be back. Never skip a step of the routine as it may make your child more unhappy (ie, always say goodbye even if they are engaged in an activity without you).

7. Speak in Terms They’ll Understand

Telling your 6, 18, or 24 month old that you will be back in 3 hours doesn’t mean anything to them, so tell them him when you will be back in regards to his daily schedule. Whether that be after his nap, after his lunch, after his dinner, or before bath, whenever it may be, talk to them in a language that they hear from you a lot (nap, lunch, bedtime, bath time, book time, etc). Nothing is going to prevent your child from getting a little bit upset when you leave but you can definitely keep the fuss to a minimum and help reassure them that you will be coming back.

If you are consistent, calm and supportive during any episodes of separation anxiety, you will start to see them before a lot more comfortable with you leaving as they will remember that you are indeed going to come back.

8 Tips to Help with Jetlag

Fri, 13 Dec 2019 10:32:11 -0600

If you are traveling across several time zones with a child, I salute you; this is not a task for the weak-willed! This requires courage and determination beyond that of the ordinary adventurer. If Lewis and Clark had a baby along with them, I’m guessing they would have called it quits before they hit the city limits. But , we’re mothers and fathers and that makes us the hardest of the hard core, right? We’re not going to stay chained to our homes for five or six years waiting for our babies to reach an age where they’ll be more conveniently portable. We’ve got a world to explore and our babies are coming with us. Before you set off though, I want to make sure you’re armed with all the information you need to maintain those sleep skills you’ve been working so hard to develop.

I’m a sleep consultant so sleep is what I tend to focus on and even I have to mentally prepare myself for any time zone changes over 3 hours! So how do we maintain good sleep habits while we’re traveling? If we’re crossing time zones, how do we deal with the inevitable complication of jet lag in our babies?

1. Avoid the Red-Eye

Some of us like to envision this scenario where we jump on the plane when baby’s already asleep, and they just magically sleep through the entire flight, arriving fresh and rested and ready for the upcoming adventure. It may have even happened once or twice in human history, but the odds are overwhelmingly against it. It’s much more likely that you’re both going to have an awful night the night before and arrive frazzled and seriously overtired. If you can, try and catch a daytime flight and hope for a decent nap or two on the way. You’re all going to arrive with a bit of a sleep debt anyways, since motion sleep isn’t nearly as restful as what we’re used to, but that can actually help you get your baby adjusted to the new schedule.

2. Travel Prepared

Given the special circumstances surrounding travel, I think this is one of those rare times when it’s OK to give in to their demands. If they want to watch seven straight hours of Peppa Pig, I say that’s fantastic. Be sure to pack your carry-on with an abundance of toys, snacks, books, and portable battery chargers, and whatever they ask for, hand it over. The only real exception here is not to feed baby a bunch of sugary snacks in the hopes of keeping her happy during the trip because it’s just going to result in a big old crash when she comes down from that high, and that’s going to make sleep that much harder. Offer her plenty of fruits and vegetables, and make sure you keep her hydrated. It’s probably going to mean a lot of toilet breaks, but trust me, it’s worth it. Jet lag symptoms go way beyond sleep. Constipation and diarrhea are two of the most common so maintaining proper hydration is crucial.

3. Is it worth altering the schedule?

Experts say that jet lag lasts, on average, for about a day for every hour of time change, so if you’re taking a four day trip and you’re looking at a six-hour time change, it’s hardly worth getting baby fully adjusted to the difference just to turn around and have to do it all over again once you get home. If, however, you’re going to be gone for longer than 3-4 days, then you’ll want to adjust to the new time zone as quickly as possible. Luckily, our bodies have an inherent ability to adapt to new time zones based on the light/dark cycle, so you’ll have nature working on your side. So night one, straight into the new time zone. Expect a few rough nights at the start, so naps may be a bit longer, or an extra one may be needed, but bedtime very similar to a home bedtime.

4. Stick to your bedtime routine

Bedtime routines are about more than just getting into comfortable clothes and cleaning our teeth. A predictable bedtime routine sends signals to the brain that sleep is just over the horizon, so the brain start preparing for it by firing up the melatonin production, relaxing the muscles, and slowing down mental activity. So whatever your baby’s bedtime routine is at home, stick as closely to it as you can. An important issue to mention to is keep in mind you want to start turning lights down low, and closing and blinds/curtains 2 hours before bedtime. A completely dark room for bedtime and nap time is also one of the best tools you’ve got for helping them get to sleep and stay asleep.

5. Sunlight’s on your side

As much as we don’t want any sunlight getting in the room while baby’s trying to sleep, we want lots of it when they’re awake. Getting a significant amount of sunlight during the day charges up our melatonin production and helps get the circadian rhythm adjusted quickly to the new time zone, so getting outdoors during the day will work wonders in helping baby sleep well at night.

6. Add an extra nap

Even in the best case scenario, baby’s still going to be needing a little more sleep once you get where you’re going, so an extra nap of somewhere between 45 minutes to an hour and a half, can really help counteract the over tiredness that comes after a long flight. Just remember to leave enough space between waking up from her last nap and bedtime so that there’s time for fatigue to build up in the interim. Let’s say you’ve got an 8 month-old and your usual bedtime is 8:00pm. You’ll want to get her up from her last nap of the day by no later than 5:00pm so she’s sleepy enough to go down for the night once bedtime comes around.

7. Keep things familiar

Remember to pack baby’s favorite PJs, lovie, blanket, pillow, and so on. Once baby’s asleep, it will help them to stay that way if their surroundings are similar to the ones they’re used to. If you don’t usually share a bed with your little one, don’t start now. Let me just repeat that. Do not bed share while you’re traveling unless you want to bed share when you get home as well. Babies get attached to this scenario in the blink of an eye, and once they’ve gotten attached, they can be seriously tenacious about sleeping in their own bed. This can happen when they are babies and toddlers so watch out!

8. Remember who you’re dealing with

Nobody thrives when they’re sleep deprived, and kids are no different. We’re all going to be a little (or a lot!) grumpy and short-tempered once that plane lands, but you’re the adult here and it’s up to you to keep everything on an even keel, even if your baby starts melting down. She is, after all, a baby, and she’s likely pretty tired. As I mentioned earlier, it takes about a day to adjust for every hour of time difference, so it’s going to require patience and consistency on your part to get them over the hump as soon as possible. Keeping your cool will help baby adjust quicker, and the sooner you’re all accustomed to the new time zone, the sooner you can all get on with enjoying your trip.

I hope these tips help you feel a bit less anxious about your up and coming trip. Enjoy, have fun, and remember the adjustment to the new time zone will take a good few days, so prepare for that and don't get upset with them in the middle of the night if they are having trouble falling back asleep. If you really feel you have to, get them up for a little bit in the middle of the night if needed, keeping lights low and noise to a minimum and read a book or 2 with them. Depending on their age will depend how long you want to keep them up for, but I wouldn't plan to keep them up longer than an hour.

New Website is now Live!

Wed, 02 Oct 2019 20:00:11 -0500

As a brand new business it's amazing how much time and effort is spent getting all the different elements up and running, never mind a website! I contemplated having someone else design it for me, providing them with a variety of text, but I decided to take on the rewarding challenge myself, along with my husband. To be honest, he has done a lot more of the hard work than I have as he is a lot more technically savvy than me, but it has also been a steep learning curve for him.

It's taken a good 6 weeks to design and have the functionality I wished, but I'm so happy that my website is now live! Having a presence on the web is so important these days, and being able to distinguish myself was also very important to me, hence why it has taken a bit longer. I've learned a lot over the last 6 weeks (mainly that my husband is a lot more of a perfectionist than I am), and I have begun to really develop and grow my brand 'Drift and Dream'.

My website is gong to be my main platform where people can find out more about me and the services I provide, but should you have any questions you don't feel I have answered there please contact me and I would be happy to help.

I plan to write and share articles with you all which may be of interest to you via my blog entitled 'Bear in Mind', so always be sure to check out his section when visiting my website, or also follow my Facebook page. These hints, tips and musings should help to develop your knowledge of sleep and provide insight on specific topics of interest.

The fact that you have browsed my site through to this point tells me that you are probably interested in the services I offer. If you are struggling with your child's sleep habits and would like to know if I can help you then do not hesitate to get in touch and book a free 15 minute call via the link below. You won't regret it, you will wish that you had contacted me sooner! 😀

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